The relationship of Matt and [my ex-girlfriend] (September 23, 2009 – August 25th, 2012), also known as “[the equivalent of "Beniffer"],” passed away last night in a bedroom in Cincinnati, OH and a driveway in
Griffith, IN after a lengthy cell phone conversation that nearly drained Matt’s cellphone battery. Future irreconcilable differences was sighted as the main cause of the breakup, as well as an 8,640% increase in commute time between residencies and the fact that [ex-gf] just doesn’t like watching Football. That’s un-American.
Oh, and Matt doesn’t put the toilet seat down. That’s unforgiveable.
In the fall, [ex-gf] will return to the dating scene as a graduate student at the prestigious Stanford University. She will be looking for a fellow music and arts enthusiast to go to concert with, discuss current events, and enjoy her exotic and delicious cooking (she’s a mean Slapdish cook). She also would like to have a Welsh-Pembrooke Corgi named Winston as soon as possible. Lastly, she needs cuddling. Lots and lots of cuddling. No, seriously, LOTS of cuddling.
Matt will be returning to the field later this fall to find a fellow athletics enthusiast with a fun-loving disposition and crazy sense of humor that can also double as a Diablo 3 or DotA 2 partner. Enjoyment of cooking is a plus (Matt likes food) and the ability to deal with a messy environment and frequent sports trips are preferred.
They must also like Football. That’s required. And American.
In lieu of flowers, the parties request Facebook comments and texts of condolences be sent instead. Or cookies. Everyone loves cookies. Plus Noel likes chocolate, that’s bonus points. Also, applications for the above positions can also be sent to their respective Facebook pages, although if you don’t what XKCD, Reddit, and second order differential equations are, you’re probably not nerdy enough for consideration.
Oh, and Matt doesn’t put the toilet seat down. That’s unforgiveable.
In the fall, [ex-gf] will return to the dating scene as a graduate student at the prestigious Stanford University. She will be looking for a fellow music and arts enthusiast to go to concert with, discuss current events, and enjoy her exotic and delicious cooking (she’s a mean Slapdish cook). She also would like to have a Welsh-Pembrooke Corgi named Winston as soon as possible. Lastly, she needs cuddling. Lots and lots of cuddling. No, seriously, LOTS of cuddling.
Matt will be returning to the field later this fall to find a fellow athletics enthusiast with a fun-loving disposition and crazy sense of humor that can also double as a Diablo 3 or DotA 2 partner. Enjoyment of cooking is a plus (Matt likes food) and the ability to deal with a messy environment and frequent sports trips are preferred.
They must also like Football. That’s required. And American.
In lieu of flowers, the parties request Facebook comments and texts of condolences be sent instead. Or cookies. Everyone loves cookies. Plus Noel likes chocolate, that’s bonus points. Also, applications for the above positions can also be sent to their respective Facebook pages, although if you don’t what XKCD, Reddit, and second order differential equations are, you’re probably not nerdy enough for consideration.
