If there is anything that me and my second youngest brother Jeff
have in common, it’s a penchant for landing Gorilla Glue strong in the Friend
Zone. Any place, any girl, guaranteed to find that place, no GPS necessary. Seriously,
you could put a 55 gallon drum labeled “the Friend Zone” in a field in Texas,
have us skydive out of a plane in New York, and we’d manage to be hit by El
Nino air currents, land on a 747, get carried by a flock of rabid seagulls, and
land smack dab in that 55 gallon drum three days later. We’re just that good.
Or bad. Whatever.
Anyways, in honor of our incredible ability to hit the friend zone more often than rain hits the earth, we present to you “The Top Ten Lines\Signs that Really Mean ‘You’ve Just Been Friend Zoned.’” And yes, this is mostly from experience (Damnit!). Enjoy!
Anyways, in honor of our incredible ability to hit the friend zone more often than rain hits the earth, we present to you “The Top Ten Lines\Signs that Really Mean ‘You’ve Just Been Friend Zoned.’” And yes, this is mostly from experience (Damnit!). Enjoy!
10. They send you a
sibling request on Facebook
That’s cool, brothers and sisters are close. But you know what siblings don’t do (outside of The Jerry Springer Show)? Date. Le zoned.
That’s cool, brothers and sisters are close. But you know what siblings don’t do (outside of The Jerry Springer Show)? Date. Le zoned.
9. “I feel so
comfortable around you”
As in, “comfortable being friends, most likely forever, please stop looking at me longingly.” Someone call the Dallas Mavericks, you’ve just been zoned.
As in, “comfortable being friends, most likely forever, please stop looking at me longingly.” Someone call the Dallas Mavericks, you’ve just been zoned.
8. “You’re like, my
best friend”
“You’re like, killing me here!” And much like Kanye, you are now in the zone.
7. “You’re the nicest
guy I’ve ever met”
That’s nice, people like nice people. But you know what the nicest-guys-in-the-world-to-a-girl never do (outside of every mediocre and predictable romantic comedy that for some reason girls never emulate)? See number ten. Again.
That’s nice, people like nice people. But you know what the nicest-guys-in-the-world-to-a-girl never do (outside of every mediocre and predictable romantic comedy that for some reason girls never emulate)? See number ten. Again.
6. They mention
ANYTHING AT ALL about “that time of the month”
If there’s a list of things girls don’t mention to guys they want to date, I would assume this is somewhere really, really high on the list. Probably between “My father is a high ranking member of the Mafia” and “I hit my last boyfriend with a car because he badmouthed N’Sync.” No worries about that for you though, it’s all hugs and giggles in the Friend Zone!
If there’s a list of things girls don’t mention to guys they want to date, I would assume this is somewhere really, really high on the list. Probably between “My father is a high ranking member of the Mafia” and “I hit my last boyfriend with a car because he badmouthed N’Sync.” No worries about that for you though, it’s all hugs and giggles in the Friend Zone!
5. “So I met this guy…and
he asked me out…”
Was it me? No? Damn it again!…Maybe I should try this…one day…
Was it me? No? Damn it again!…Maybe I should try this…one day…
4. “Can I complain
about my boyfriend for a minute?”
Best one-line responses here include “Isn’t that his job?”, “I’ll give you 30 seconds, max”, and “only if I can complain about him for twenty.” But you don’t say that. You say “I’ll give you as long as you want,” because you’re a good guy, and somewhere, there’s a bar making a drink after you. Here’s to hoping it doesn’t taste like an Appletini.
Best one-line responses here include “Isn’t that his job?”, “I’ll give you 30 seconds, max”, and “only if I can complain about him for twenty.” But you don’t say that. You say “I’ll give you as long as you want,” because you’re a good guy, and somewhere, there’s a bar making a drink after you. Here’s to hoping it doesn’t taste like an Appletini.
3. “You’re like a
brother to me”
That’s cool. But you know what siblings don’t do (outside of Flowers in the Attic)? See number ten YET again.
That’s cool. But you know what siblings don’t do (outside of Flowers in the Attic)? See number ten YET again.
2. “It’s so nice to
have someone I can just talk to”
This one’s rough, because it’s usually the first friend zone bomb. Therefore, it is typically followed by the best acting job most friends will have to do, which is pretending their hearts weren’t just dropped in a high powered mulcher. If they make a drink after this event, I don’t know the name, but I know its straight Everclear.
This one’s rough, because it’s usually the first friend zone bomb. Therefore, it is typically followed by the best acting job most friends will have to do, which is pretending their hearts weren’t just dropped in a high powered mulcher. If they make a drink after this event, I don’t know the name, but I know its straight Everclear.
1. “I wish my
boyfriend…”
Oh no, not this guy again…
“…were more like you.”
You know what? I do math, and there’s a simple solution here. It just requires a little bit of BF substitution…Oh what’s that? Phone call?...Oh, it’s the friend zone calling…I guess we’ll just have to settle for Psychology again. I hate Psychology…
Oh no, not this guy again…
“…were more like you.”
You know what? I do math, and there’s a simple solution here. It just requires a little bit of BF substitution…Oh what’s that? Phone call?...Oh, it’s the friend zone calling…I guess we’ll just have to settle for Psychology again. I hate Psychology…
But hey! It’s not all gloom and doom in the friend zone! After
all, there are much worse zones you could be in. The Stalker Zone, the Creeper
Zone, the “You Don’t Exist to Me” Zone, the ”Taylor Swift We Are Never, Ever,
Ever, Getting Back Together” Zone, etc. Friendships aren’t supposed to be one
way, so why would being stuck in Justfriendistan be one way as well? In fact, there
are so many benefits to being in the friend zone that we’re coming back with
ANOTHER Top Ten: The Top Ten Benefits of Being in the Friend Zone! Check it out!
http://runningwithradians.blogspot.com/2012/10/top-ten-benefits-to-being-in-friend-zone.html
http://runningwithradians.blogspot.com/2012/10/top-ten-benefits-to-being-in-friend-zone.html
But if you're dead set on getting out of the friend zone: http://www.friendzonecasting.com/
Nice work on these. Thank you for the laughs Ayatollah and President of Justfriendistan Melton(s). Sincerely, Prime Minister Gadberry. See you at the next Cabinet meeting.
ReplyDeleteThanks Donny! And the meeting is next Friday at 7 in Likabrothertomia. I'll bring the beer.
ReplyDelete